i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
where are my eyebrows?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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