i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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