I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
