Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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