Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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