If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I AM VODKA MAN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
