she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
