"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
