my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
