Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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