I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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