Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize