Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
