After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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