God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
