he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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