HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
