So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
