He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
