speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
