hotel room ftw
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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