can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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