wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He better not be in your backpack
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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