Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
