big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
