I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
