I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
