My underwear smells like fireworks.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
