I can text with my tongue
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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