there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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