THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
