This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
