he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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