Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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