Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How's work?
Spinning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
