I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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