we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize