I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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