I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize