TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
