wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
