First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
