I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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