it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
