Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made out on top of his cat.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize