I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
