And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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