she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
