We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
