I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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