I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
