dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
