how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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