i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
