I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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