rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize