OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize