I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
