you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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