I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
