i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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