thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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