I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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