I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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