just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
