I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
