My sheets look like a crime scene.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just gargled with NyQuil
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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