Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
