My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize