Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
