it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't turn off my feet"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
