It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
