Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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