someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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