So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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