Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
